By request

You're looking at the blog of a woman who has two personal blogs, one group blog, and a comic strip blog. Obviously I think I have so much to say I haven't needed any blog prompts.

We have, however, received a request. We contemplated remaining singular in being the one person Kirk knows who hasn't done this, but we could never resist the temptation of talking about ourself. So, without further ado—

10 years ago
I was a sophomore in college. I was falling in love with music and doing a lot of organic chemistry. I remember camping and cooking meat using nothing but our bare hands and a buck knife, rollerblading every night and everywhere, hating football, and driving my truck, my awesome rockin’ truck. I was wearing flannel and Birkenstocks with thick socks, learning that I could actually sing, and contemplating whether or not turning 18 was a big deal.

5 years ago
I was a 4th yr med student. I was falling in love with my first love, and starting to really feel like a doctor. I remember beginning to dress like a lady and wear makeup regularly, singing and playing (and dancing!) in an indie rock funk band, trying my hand at writing music for the first time, and leading a jazz orchestra.

1 year ago
I was a 3rd yr resident, reminiscing about my trip to Alaska and moping around. I remember trying to decide what subspecialty I’d go into, mentally preparing to say goodbye to friends, interviewing for my current job, and feeling as though I was beginning to live the rest of my life.

Yesterday
I was still awake from the day before. I went to my annual safety training session in the morning, where I learned that the reason I haven't been able to adjust the seatbelt in the helicopter to fit me was not that I didn't know how to work the straps, but that I am just that small. I slept after that. I messed around on the computer. I launched a legendary fight with my brother over instant messenger.

5 snacks I enjoy
1. Star Crunch, of course!
2. Garlic toasted Melba chips and hummus
3. Slices of granny smith apple dipped in caramel sauce
4. Slices of strong, hard parmesan cheese with table water crackers, especially good when eaten along with #3
5. Hot ‘n’ Spicy Cheez-its. Oh my gosh!

5 songs to which I know the words (are you kidding me?)
1. Precious Lord, Take My Hand
2. La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf (French, not English)
3. The Girl from Ipanema by Antonio Carlos Jobim (English, not Portguese yet, and I used to really hate this song)
4. Crosstown Traffic by Jimi Hendrix
5. Killing Me Softly by Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox

5 things I’d do with $100 million
1. Buy a piano right away
2. Travel, travel, travel
3. Buy some land and build a house on it and supply it with a music room full of all kinds of different musical instruments that I would then get to learn to play and a freakin’ incredible sound system and all the best CDs ever
4. Give some to my family
5. Hoard the rest in savings, but leave it in my will to charitable organizations

5 places to which I’d run away
1. The courts of the Lord
2. Hawaii (did that, would do it again in a heartbeat)
3. The depths of a bottomless, hot cup of coffee, if it weren’t for the darn caffeine and the withdrawal migraines
4. My bed, under the covers
5. A spa (this takes the place of the arms of someone I love)

5 things I’d never wear (this one was hard; my fashion tastes have become so eclectic)
1. A Hooters t-shirt
2. Anything “bohemian”
3. A toe ring
4. Patterned scrubs
5. The huge hideous denim shirt with bizarre appliqued pictures and ruffles on it that my ex-boyfriend’s mother gave me to wear on their farm

5 favorite TV shows
1. Samurai Jack
2. Xiaolin Showdown
3. Extreme Makeover home edition
4. Will & Grace (so ashamed to admit that! but it fascinates me because it’s the opposite of my life; it’s beautiful people doing ugly things)
5. Ambush Makeover
6. Criminal Minds is showing great promise and would go to #3, bumping everything else down a notch

5 biggest joys
1. God
2. Music
3. Food
4. Pleasant surprises
5. Children

5 favorite toys
1. My car, the beautiful Silver Bullet aka the CamoBunnyMobile
2. Words
3. The Darth Vader action figure I bought with Eddie at Toys ‘R’ Us that one day when he bought a stormtrooper too.
4. My Curious George wooden cutout puzzle
5. Steve, my stuffed penguin with the deranged-looking googly eyes that doubles as a CD holder

5 people to whom I would pass this on
1. Nora
2. Sarah M.
3. Priscila
4. Vernon
5. You, unless you’re one of the above, and in that case Ray (you don't have to answer the TV show question) or Emily.

Allowance

Prickly though we may be, here at the PP we try to remain warm and hospitable. There are, however, certain occasions in which exceptions should be allowed. One such occasion has been expressed on this site, where our busboys work their second jobs:

Wurmwood & Gaul say it all.

Thank you for your time.

What's cookin'

Today finally felt like autumn, with grey skies and misty rain that glazed the dead leaves already covering my sidewalk. It's still in the 70's, but something inside me has been ready for the weather to change for about a week now, so it just seems right for fall.

At the grocery store they were completely out of Campbell's tomato soup. Evidently everyone in the city was thinking the same thing I was: tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I grabbed a can of tomato bisque and moved on, recalling that there's a potluck party on Friday. What on earth am I going to make?

I hope for the weather to stay the same so that I can make one of my fallback standards. It's so easy and so popular. It's also incredibly American, if you think about it. It's great for college students and families of five alike.

Here's what's cookin' this week at the Prickly Pineapple. Try it with homemade cornbread, or top with shredded cheese and tortilla chips. Enjoy.

TACO SOUP

2 lb. lean ground beef
1 small onion, chopped
3 cans (4 oz. each) chopped green chilis
1 can (16 oz.) pinto beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (16 oz.) lima beans
1 can (14.5 oz.) hominy
3 cans (14.5 oz. ea.) stewed tomatoes
1 can red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 pkg. (1¼ oz.) taco seasoning
1 pkg. (1 oz.) Ranch dressing mix
1 tsp. salt, 1 tsp. pepper
1½ C water
shredded cheese, tortilla/chips (opt.)

Brown beef and onion; drain fat. Put into large kettle. Add remaining ingredients, bring to boil. Reduce heat, simmer 30 minutes.

Workshop

And may it please the guests, the Prickly Pineapple presents today's writing workshop.

The ellipsis.

There are three dots in a dot-dot-dot.

You know, the "..." character. Yes, the three individual dots comprise a single character.

An ellipsis may be used at the end of a sentence, in which case it should be followed by a period; this makes a total and maximum of four dots. There should be a space before the ellipsis and between the ellipsis and the period.

Adding more dots does not make a statement more dramatic, nor does it strengthen a sense of anticipation. It is simply incorrect.

Perhaps it would be an interesting exercise to consider the reason that the online speakers of American English have collectively and subconsciously come to apply the "more is better" idea in this particular case. Is a longer stretch of dots a psychologic cue that turns the mind toward the silent implications of a path to follow, a blank to fill in? Perhaps it invokes the imagery of stretching (something) out longer, of a pregnant pause ... of watching the cars of a train go by, or a trail of ants leading your eye elsewhere.

It reminds me more of Yul Brenner bombastically bellowing et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!: grammatically incorrect and rooted in self-importance.

Personally, I am a fan of the underappreciated em dash.

Next workshop: beginning a sentence with a conjunction.

Unimpressed

While we at the Prickly Pineapple celebrate simplicity and sincerity, scout studies indicate a downward trend in the quality of so many things we've been encountering lately:

Popular stories that are insipid and mawkish.
Sales that aren't cheap.
Homilies with incorrect references.
Promises that fall short of reality.
People that fall short on promises.
Products that simply don't work.
Impotent, witless railings about things that can't be changed.
Impotent, witless railings about things that can be changed.
Food that is overseasoned and overdone.
Music that sucks.
Even t-shirts that try too hard.

We remain unimpressed.

A commitment to care, with unwavering standards and strict criteria for high-quality products and communiqué—you deserve nothing less.

Anything else is just not worth our time.

Fantastically bad

This year's award for "Worst Backup Vocals" goes to:

Elvis Presley's "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog"!

Oh man. They're bad. They're really bad!

I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt by pretending they were singing blue notes, but nope. They're just off key, and their tone unsupported at that.

This one goes into contention for the All-Time Worst list. This is quality badness.

Congratulations to the lucky losers—I mean, winners?

Blessing

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted:

...when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written,

DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY.
O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY?
O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?

For you, D-Dub.

Today I am feeling...

... frozen.

Shout out

Hey, hey, cousin Ray!
What have you got to say today?
Won't you stay?
Stay and play?
Partake in our grand buffet?

Today I am feeling...

...ticked.

It's raining tonight.

Great night for staying inside, popcorn, and trivia questions. So... ten Pricklepoints™* to you if you can tell me where this came from:

Arise storms!
North winds blow!
South winds blow!
Typhoons! Hurricanes! Earthquakes!
Smog!

An additional five for the name of the original music and its composer. No more posts until someone answers this! (Notice that it's an easy one.)

*Pricklepoints™ will be redeemable for something. We haven't decided what yet. Requests will be taken into consideration.

Today I am feeling...

... uncertain.

We're back. Make a wish!

Now, here at the double P we are all about hospitality. You get what you want. So what do you want? What's on your wish list? Is there something that you'd like to have but would never buy for yourself? What is it? Why? Why won't you buy it?

Here are some wishes from our staff:
1. Our manager insists that a piano would enhance the ambience of the PP. That is our next planned purchase.
2. The busboys lament that seasons 3 and 4 of Samurai Jack on DVD are still missing from the PP's collection.
3. Our cook could use an apron. One with "Iron Chef" embroidered on it would be extra funny.
4. That's all! We here at the Pineapple are abundantly blessed indeed.
5. Your hostess would like to have (but would never buy) a motorcycle. Why? "Because they are cool and hardcore, I like machinery, and I look good in leather. I would never buy one because of rain, and cold weather, and the rule of physics that says that in collisions, the smallest guy loses."

Now it's your turn. Tell us what you want! Why? Because it's just fun.

Edit: our cook already got that apron. it's so easy to make wishes come true around here.

Nota bene: This is merely a discussion piece and is in no way a hint for people to buy things for us. Likewise, we make no promises to get stuff for you, but we are proud to be a forum where your wishes can be heard by others who may make them come true.

Something is not right...

Something is quite wrong!
And so...
I sing this song.

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Today's featured beverage

The Prickly Pineapple celebrates life's simple pleasures. In keeping with this, today's featured beverage is a throwback to the fifties with an easy effervescent update.

Directions:
1. Measure desired amount of Tang powder into drinking vessel of choice. The PP recommends two and one-half to three tablespoons per eight-ounce glass.
2. Add club soda to achieve desired volume.

Ah yes, Tang. Now in Mango flavor and Sugar-free. Loaded with vitamins A and C, as well as tricalcium phosphate and enough preservatives to endure the test of time. Not only does its taste ("like oranges, but with a flavor all its own") continue to thrill the palates of children and beverage connoisseurs around the world, but its diverse utilities—from keeping America's dishwashers sparkling clean to easing pain and suffering—prove Tang a most potent of potables, a superhero of softdrinks.

What's your favorite Tang-colored memory?

Raise a glass of sparkling Tang and celebrate with us. It's just fun!

Think about it...

When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard? I'm talking holding your sides, tears in your eyes, can't catch your breath kind of laughing. It seems to me like doing that regularly would be pretty good for you.

For me it was spring of 2001, I believe. We're going to have to work on this.

Item of the day

The Prickly Pineapple is proud to offer samples of today's featured item.

The Mirado Black Warrior is your hostess's currently favored implement of inscription. Stately and sleek yet unassuming, its name and image alone are sure to please the aesthetic sensibilities of even the most discriminating pencil user.



Wouldn't everything you write be more impressive if written with a pencil called the Mirado Black Warrior?

Today I am feeling...

...understated.

Creepy

Does anyone else find the melty deranged looking letters used as the image for word verification creepy? I've always been creeped out by distorted text, ever since I was a kid. I am also really creeped out when movies use scary images of writing on walls or on people.

Today I am feeling...

(...get ready for this; you won't see it that often...)

...happy!

'fessin' up.

Yes, I confess; I am the camobunny. And while I work at the Prickly, Camobunny's Corner is where I've come to live primarily. So I guess you can come over and visit. Just please be nice, and it would be courteous if you called first. Be aware the place is a little bit on the feminine side. Don't come if you're easily rattled by poetry. Nono; no pink doilies or scented candles. And no, no man-bashing. It's just somehow, I don't know, a touch more personal I suppose, and a little bit more me, and I am a girl. And I walk like a girl, and throw like a girl, and probably write like a girl too. Ya' got somethin' to say about that? Huh? HUH? Bring it!

Oh and thank you so much for reading. I do so appreciate your company. (That especially means you, Eschemo Warrior.)

You know what is NOT cool?

MUZAK.

As I sit here in the hospital office I cannot block out the sappy strains of an instrumental version of Nat King Cole's "It's All in the Game," with trumpet as lead and synthesized strings in the background. It's horrible, horrible!

What are they trying to do to us? As if the original "Orinoco Flow" weren't bad enough, they re-orchestrate such that it becomes the auditory equivalent of ketamine. We are lulled into conscious sedation, and when the shift is over we are seeing double, terribly dysphoric, and some of us are hallucinating.

THIS is why we're all nutty after work! Make it stop! Make it stop!